Choosing Freefall
by aingealeire
Summary: Esme thought she had no other way out but to jump, so she did. She never dreamed that he'd be waiting for her on the 'other' side. Oneshot of Esme's change. CxEs, Canon


**Disclaimer: SM owns, I just play here. **

_Esme's 'awakening' is something that I often think of for some reason - maybe its because SM made my hometown of Columbus, OH Esme's hometown as well? I have no idea, but I decided this would be a good exercise to get me in the writing mood. Please let me know what you think, reviews keep the story-writing monster in me happy!_

_My other story, Give and Take will hopefully be updated this weekend. _

_My interpretation of SM's version of vampirism is that it's similar to amnesia. You can remember the worldly things like who is president, how to speak, walk, talk, how to drive, regular motor skills and functions but not your own name, personal facts or those around you.  
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_Hope you enjoy my idea of how Esme Cullen came to be._

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I approached the cliff my insides eerily calm.

I had no emotions about what I was going to do. I reached the edge and curled my toes on the rough rocks and I took a deep breath as pebbles fell to the floor of the canyon. I would soon join them there.

I felt the wind blow up into my face, dust from the rocks flying all around me and still as I stood there were no feelings of regret or remorse. I felt nothing. I was emotionally dead. I'd never felt loved or loved, I'd never been happy aside from the thought of knowing and caring for my baby and he was lost to me now. I wondered if the myth was true that your life flashes before your eyes as your dying.

Another breath and I could feel my heart began to beat slightly faster as if it knew what I was about to do. Yet still another breath and then I took a few steps back and rushed forward throwing myself into oblivion.

As I felt the air rushing past my body my life did not flash before me, I was just left alone with my thoughts during the few minutes it took for my body to crash to the bottom.

I thought of my parents, of my hometown, of my escape from a husband I did not love and a son who I did not get the chance to know.

Briefly, my thoughts turned as they often did to the golden eyed man I met when I'd fallen out of the tree on the farm. I was in immense pain from my broken leg but his gentle touch had sent my heart fluttering so fast I'd felt faint. I vowed to myself at that moment I'd never forget his handsome face or his strange but beautiful golden eyes for as long as I lived. My life was coming to an end now, but I still couldn't forget them.

I never screamed as I fell, his face was forefront in my mind as my dress caught on the edge of the rocks and tore, my skin scraped by branches and debris.

I tumbled and then there was nothing.

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It seemed that my body was on fire. Was this Hell?

Where was I? I tried to remember where I was, but there was nothing but a void with a few hazy images. A cliff. A broken leg. A baby with a silent face. A smile. Pain, bruises and bloody scrapes and gashes. Golden eyes.

All that was clear now was burning, searing pain ripping out from the center of my being through the tips of my fingers and toes.

I could feel my body tossed about, I could feel flames burning in my veins. I shuddered and cried out as it pierced through my body.

After what seemed like eons of torture, the flames started to slow to a simmer. My heart, which was beating so slowly despite my agony, suddenly started to race and I felt as if it might fly out of my chest. I couldn't get a deep breath and yet was not exhausted by the constant writhing and twitching of my limbs.

Slowly the fire receded, I felt a lazy chill spread through me. My heart took off into a frantic beat and then with one more thump was completely still.

Am I now dead?

I couldn't make any sense of what has happened to me. I could hear whispers of conversation all around me, the squeak of shoes against the floor, and the rattle of metal objects. I smelled something salty lingering in the air, mixing with the smell of antiseptic and there was a throbbing of the air around me accompanied by something that sounded like a drum beat. Thump Thump. I knew instinctively though that sound was not my own heart.

I opened my eyes to see the plaster of the ceiling. It had thousands upon thousands of craters in it, it appeared to be crumbling. I furrowed my brow in confusion, why was I allowed to see? I should be in eternal darkness right now. I could feel smooth metal beneath me, and the harsh smell of chemical cleansers stung my nose.

My head turned to the right before my brain could catch up with the thought and I expected to be dizzy, but there was nothing.

My gaze to the right was met by the golden eyes that were knocking around in the fog that was my mind. It was him. How is that I can remember the man but not his name or my own?

I gasped and he smiled kindly. I expected to feel breathless but realized I was not breathing.

My brought my hand to my chest and rested it there, wondering where my heartbeat was and how this was possible.

He placed his hand over mine tentatively and I started. My memory of his touch had been chilled to my warm skin. This touch was almost warm to me.

I looked at him, questions not doubt filled my eyes and he gripped my hand and smiled again.

"Esme." he said, the timber of his voice and the slight accent were just as I remembered it and I felt my own lips turn up into a smile in response. Esme? I am Esme? No words came, despite the thousands of questions thundering through my mind.

His eyes swam with affection and relief and I sat up, again it happened so quickly I'd felt like the command from my brain to my nerves to move was an afterthought.

I moved around experimentally and then stood in a flash of movement, forcing him to step back from my bedside. I looked down at myself.

He was speaking to me. Talking about the cliff I saw in my head. I'd fallen off of it and hit the floor below, a broken body and yet he says my heart was still beating when I was found and brought here. My heart was not beating now and I found this curious.

Nothing felt or looked broken, I expected that to have survived such a fall would make me shattered like the image of a broken porcelain doll that came to mind - completely shattered. This didn't appear to be the case as I was whole.

I caught my reflection in the window and moved quickly to stand in front of it.

My hair was the color of caramel now, not mousy brown as I dimly recalled it had been before. My face was rounded but slender, and I smiled experimentally and was startled at the shine of my straight pearly white teeth. My gaze drifted further up to my eyes and I gasped, alarmed. My eyes were blood red. My eyes stung and I expected to feel tears threaten to spill but there was nothing.

He was behind me then, he'd moved silently and I'd only noticed his presence when I felt a hand lightly on my shoulder.

"You will not shed tears any longer." he said quietly.

I could not face him so I continued to stare at the monstrous red that gazed back at me from the reflection.

"What am I?" I asked, just as quietly as he had been when he'd spoken.

"You are Esme."

"What am I?" I said sharply. I did not want to be unkind but there were many questions and he had already told me my name. "What has been done to me?"

His touch moved down my arm and then was gone and I immediately felt as though I'd lost something. My brows drew inward at this feeling.

"You are a vampire." he asked.

I scoffed at this. I lifted an eyebrow in disbelief and stared at the face in the reflection before me. She was a stranger and yet me at the same time. A vampire. I remembered reading stories of the dead who rose from their graves and drank human blood. Vampires were not real.

"A vampire." I replied doubtfully.

He leaned in closer, his breath ruffled my hair and caused me to shiver slightly as it hit the back of my neck. His gaze never wavered as it met mine in the shine of the window.

"You were brought here, almost dead. Your spine was broken and your body was badly bruised and beaten by the rocks of the canyon." he paused a moment. " I couldn't let you die. I'm sorry." he said.

I could hear regret in his tone and a million other inflections. Loneliness, hope, nerves and affection colored his spoken words.

"You won't be able to return home, I'm afraid." he said. "I'll teach you to hunt and then you are free to leave if you wish."

Hunt? Hunt what? Is it true then, vampires are real? I am a vampire? It's not possible. I was not warm and my heart was not beating. Could it be true? I was shaken out of my thoughts when I mentioned my leaving.

He stepped back then and I spun around to face him. I was horrified at the thought of leaving him. My entire being screamed at the mere suggestion that we'd be separated.

"I don't want to leave!" I cried.

His expression was unreadable to me, though his mouth turned up at the corners in a small smile.

"What do you remember from before the cliff?" he asked.

I thought hard but the only memories I could bring up were still the same - a cliff. A broken leg. A baby with a silent face. A smile. Pain, bruises and bloody scrapes and gashes. Golden eyes.

"Your eyes." I whispered. "I remember you. I don't remember your name but I know you."

The smile on his face grew bigger, his eyes turned warm.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen."

Instantly at his name I was bombarded with images of him tending to my injuries all those years ago and him tending to me now - I was suddenly aware of myself being picked up off the floor of the canyon, transported in a vehicle over bumpy roads to the hospital and I heard a voice calling the time of death.

It was if I'd been watching the whole thing from outside of my body. I saw him come into the room - wild eyed and grief stricken. I saw his hands brush tenderly over my forehead and down my both my cheeks to my neck. He brushed my hair back from the pale skin on my neck and I saw him lower his blond head to me. I could hear the tearing of flesh, I could smell the copper and salt of blood, and could see his pale tongue sweep out and cover the wound before he moved quickly to repeat the action on both wrists and then down to my ankles. He'd bitten me, I realized. He had taken my blood and made me a vampire. It was true.

The horror of that realization faded as I realized it explained so many things of my current state and why he seemed exactly the same as the last time I'd seen him so many years ago. For a moment it felt like my heart beat again as I was filled with warmth. He'd saved me. I was standing here in front of him now because he'd saved me.

I looked up at him and smiled. I knew in that instant everything was as it should be.

He was my fate, my true free fall into the life and love one should be allowed while living but that I had been denied. I was certain that I'd chosen him the moment I'd seen him at sixteen, I, Esme had chosen him, Carlisle. Our pasts were just that - the past. It didn't matter to me what he was, what he'd turned me into. What he'd given me was a second chance and now we were together. I was not leaving him, I couldn't.

I was finally happy.

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A/N: SO I'm curious - was this how you saw Esme waking up? Lemme know what you think people!


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